Self Doubt vs Self Trust

On November 2, 2013 I had a thought pop into my head that made me pull my truck to the side of the road. The thought started with the questions, “Why do I work extra hard? Do I work extra hard because I’m on the verge of becoming homeless or because I am on the verge of great success?”

At that one moment in my life, the possibility of becoming homeless became real to me.

I was renting a room from my good friend at the time and had been for over a year. I didn’t have a lot of time to look for a place to live, so I just asked my dad and step-mom if I could stay with them while I figured out what to do next. Funds were tight and I did not want to make a long term decision out of desperation. I even considered just staying at my office Downtown Detroit, but that wasn’t realistic. So I moved in with dear old dad and decided to not worry about it. I will figure it out and I cannot let a distraction like that get in my way. Two weeks later, I got a message on Facebook from a friend who was buying a new house and needed a roommate. I moved in the first week of January.

The fact of the matter is, there was no chance in hell that I would ever become homeless. Instead of giving in to self doubt I gave in to self confidence and self determination. For the first time in a long time I started to trust myself.  I also reminded myself that I am surrounded by a network of family and friends that have always been there for me in the best of times and in the toughest of times. I gave myself credit for the role I played in creating that network of support.

What was also happening was I was becoming more aware of my surroundings and more compassionate to the homeless men that live on my street. Those less fortunate who aren’t as lucky as I am to have people in my life that won’t let me fail. I’ve started to employ them and help them as much as I can with the resources I do have available to me.

That moment I pulled my truck over was a defining moment for me and put me on a path to make a difference and that’s exactly what I intend to do. I’m grateful for that moment and I’m grateful that it was just a moment.

(As a footnote to this post, I just want to say that I know I portray a certain image of myself on social media. I tend to be positive and upbeat and I don’t like to complain. That will never change. That is just who I am. I just wanted to share this story because I don’t want to paint a false picture of what my life is like. I struggle too. Every day. Just like you. I wouldn’t change a thing though. I feel so lucky to have the struggles I have. It could be a lot worse.)

 

 

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